Tuesday, August 27, 2013


Sometimes I feel pain and smile. I smile because its what people expect. It's what they want. When they ask, "How are you today", what they want to hear is "I'm fine", "I'm doing great". They don't want the truth. They don't want to feel bad. They don't want to feel guilty because they feel good and you feel bad.

I'm tired of pity. I'm tired of the sad looks. I'm tired of feeling bad. Tired of hurting. Tired of pain. Tired of rarely hearing from friends. Tired of people not understanding. Tired of hearing people refer to me as their friend yet they show no sign of friendship.

I'm just tired of it all.

Blessed to have a great husband, great children, great mom.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Imagination Living

I'm totally wiped out. Functioning throughout the day, lately, has been an up hill battle. These days feel fruitless. Waking up exhausted. Going to bed sore. My body full of pains and aches. In the meantime I try to do what is absolutely necessary. Otherwise I veg out and pretend to be active, living vicariously through my television programs.

Chasing bad guys through dark alleys, solving "whodunit" crimes or singing on stage with my favorite star/judge. Spinning a wheel to win the showcase or solve the puzzle. Or I could be racking my brain for the top six answers to some crazy question asked to 100 men.

There are lots of things to do when you are home bound. You just need three things: A working television, cable and an active imagination.


Dog Toys & The ENT

My favorite part of summer is swimming. Weightless movement and exercising with no worry of pulled muscles, profuse sweating or annoying sounding video instructors. Yes, swimming is fun, refreshing and the most fun exercising that it almost doesn't feel like exercising at all. But swimmer beware: Diving in the deep end can cause countless hours of painful earaches.

Having never had swimmers ear or a ruptured ear drum, and rarely an ear infection, I found myself in quite the conundrum. I dove into the deep end to retrieve a sinking dog toy. My ear drum popped, as it had before, and I thought nothing of it. Until the ear ache began. Then the swelling and drainage.

After ten days of ear drops, prescription antibiotics and pain I finally made my way to see the ENT. Diagnoses....all of the above. Yay!! Gouging, suction, washing, more suction and two ear-tampons later I'm headed out the door with one deaf ear, two prescriptions, two shots in my rear cheeks and an appointment card to return for more fun two days later. Yee-haw!

So, better safe than sorry. Ear plugs for future swims and the dog can retrieve her toys.

Happy summer and safe swimming.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

August 8, 2013, my brother Roger would have been 50 years old. It's difficult to understand how a seemingly healthy person can walk through the front door of a doctor's office and leave through the back door headed to the morgue. When Roger died last December of a pulmonary embolism we were all saddened and heart broken. As a wife I can't imagine living one day on earth with out my beloved husband. As a mother it seems unnatural to out live a child. As a child the death of a parent is a tragic loss when they mean so much to you. But we all have an appointment with death. Knowing that exact day would alter our life. Perhaps in a negative way. So what are we to do???? For me....live each day to the fullest. Forgive, love, smile, cherish, believe in a life ahead that will be a never ending time of peace and happiness. We miss Roger. His sudden death emphasized the need to take nothing for granted. 

Judge not what you can not see. Simply because a person looks healthy on the outside does not mean that all is well inside. 

Be compassionate. Find goodness. Love like there will be no tomorrow. You never know when you will draw your last breath. And personally, I want my last breath to be remembered as that of love and kindness.