Someone Else's Victory

Per www.wikipedia.com ....Envy can be defined as a resentful emotion which "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement or possession and wishes that the other lacked it."

Bertrand Russell said that envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his envy, but they also wish to inflict misfortune on others. Although envy is generally seen as something negative, Russell also believed that envy was a driving force behind the movement towards democracy and must be endured to achieve a more just social system. However, psychologists have recently suggested that there may be two types of envy: malicious envy and benign envy - benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force.

At times we all have to feel some sort of envy. Rather malicious or benign, envy is a natural feeling. Especially when your entire life you have followed the rules, done what is right, worked hard and been a good person, yet things aren't going your way. Or what you believe is "your way."

My idea of what I deserved out of life was health and happiness and hard work that led to financial security and a descent life. A family I loved. A job I enjoyed. A home that I looked forward to going to every afternoon when the work day was finished. Vacation days spent relaxing on the beach with my hunny at my side, a book in my hands and my toes in the sand.

Instead I spend my nights in restless sleep and my days fighting pain and nausea. Forced to give up a job I loved along with health insurance and a salary that offered our family financial security. No worries of paying the mortgage or having money for new tires or auto repairs. Trips at the spur of the moment were common place. Yearly tropical vacations were well planned, happy and care free times.

It's difficult to not have feelings of envy when all of your life you have worked hard and followed the rules. Yet you have lost your financial security, your health has failed you and the activities you once loved you are no longer capable of doing.

Social media can be a blessing and a curse. While it keeps you connected to the outside world sometimes it can be depressing looking at pictures of happy families playing on the beach, sitting poolside sipping a fruity drink or bundled up about to hit the slopes.

I can honestly say that I believe my envious feelings are not malicious. I don't wish for others to not have healthy happy lives. I just believe if I expect that for myself that I'm not being unreasonable.

Just remember....someone else's victory is not your defeat.

K.I. Real